Felix THE Cat



Today I wanted to share an older story with you.  I wrote this a couple of years ago.  This is in it’s roughest form.  It has not been edited.  So overlook the flaws.  I hope you enjoy it.

This morning, Felix decided to reassert his status as “The Cat” in this household.  His owner had brought a new cat in the day before and he had the nerve to try and take over Felix’s territory.

The other cat’s name was Fuzzy and he wasn’t even fuzzy at all.  Fuzzy didn’t belong in Felix’s house and Felix was going to show him who was boss.  Felix decided human who brought Fuzzy in must not have been thinking clearly, so of course he wouldn’t hold it against them.

Fuzzy would rub on the humans’ legs and jump in their laps.  Felix never did any of that sort of stuff.  He was his own cat; he didn’t need to be petted.  He despised any other animal coming  in on his territory and trying to take over his humans.  He was going to come up with a plan to get rid of Fuzzy.

The humans came home in the afternoon and Felix went up and started rubbing on their legs.  Of course this was out of character for him so they “ooohhhhed” and “ahhhhhed” over him.  This was just the first step in his plan.  He was going to be more loving than Fuzzy ever could, and then he was going to do bad things and let Fuzzy get the blame for it.

His plan was brilliant.  He fancied himself a modern day dictator trying to rule his kingdom by whatever means necessary.  No one messes with Felix The Cat!

That evening he stayed in one of the humans’ laps at all times. If Fuzzy tried to move in on one them he beat him to it.  If Fuzzy rubbed on them he gave him dirty looks as much as a cat can give dirty looks.  This was going to be like taking cheese from a mouse.

 When it was time to go to bed, Felix found Fuzzy in his bed.   So, he snuck up on Fuzzy and started licking him.  This was part of his scheme.  He was a genius and he knew it.  This plan was full proof.  Fuzzy woke up and thought that Felix was coming around to him.  He stared purring and enjoying the good cleaning.  Though it made Felix sick to lick this poor excuse for a cat, he did it anyway knowing that he was going to achieve his ultimate goal.

 He let Fuzzy sleep in his bed for one night.  The next morning phase two of his plan would begin.

Felix was up earlier than anyone.  He went into the kitchen and knocked the trash can over.  He drug some of the contents all over the floor and then picked up an old tuna can with his mouth and took it to put by Fuzzy’s bed.  Next he went to scratch on his humans’ bedroom door to wake them up.  He knew they would come into the living room and see Fuzzy with the can and then go into the kitchen and see the mess and blame Fuzzy.

 Just as he predicted, the stupid the humans came stumbling down the hall and saw the can by Fuzzy.   One of the humans reached down and picked it up and took it to the kitchen to throw away.  When they got into the kitchen they noticed the mess.  They automatically blamed Fuzzy.  They took him and put him in the bathroom as punishment.  Felix, with a slight grin, went and lay in his bed and slept.  It was almost too easy.

One of the humans let Fuzzy out of the bathroom after a couple of hours.  Fuzzy went to the bed where Felix was now sleeping.  He stared long and hard at him.  He knew Felix had set him up.  Felix awoke and saw Fuzzy standing over him.  Felix gave a loud hiss to warn him to stay away.  Fuzzy backed up slowly and left him alone.

 Now, Felix had to get in nice with Fuzzy again so he could get some more licks of his fur.  This was what was going to push the humans over the edge and get rid of Fuzzy for good.

While Fuzzy was eating, Felix came up to him and rubbed on his side.  Fuzzy was a little hesitant at first to let his guard down but he couldn’t help it.  He was such a good natured cat that he trusted Felix so easily.  Felix began to play with him and Fuzzy was thrilled.  He thought that he had finally come around and was going to be his friend.  Felix however was only pretending to like him.  He was just waiting on his moment to get rid of him.

Now that Felix had Fuzzy right where he wanted him he put the last part of his plan into action.  He almost felt bad for it.  He lay beside Fuzzy and began to clean him.  He licked that nasty awful cat for an hour.  After he was done he went to the humans’ bedroom and jumped up on the bed.  The bed was already a forbidden zone so he had to be careful not to get caught up there.

He quickly made his way up to the pillows and that’s when he did it.  He hacked and he hacked until all of Fuzzy’s hair came back up into a nice big hairball which he left on the pillow.  They would know Fuzzy had been up there since Fuzzy was orange and he was black.

He jumped down and ran back into the living room and jumped into his bed and tried to look as innocent as possible.  The humans were coming home from being out.  When they walked into the bedroom Felix heard one of them begin to yell.  It must have been the man because it was a deep voice.  Felix knew his plan was working.  The man ran into the living room and called for Fuzzy.  Fuzzy as naïve as he was came running to the man and rubbed on his legs.  The man picked him up and took him to the front door.  Felix began to smile as best he could.  The man threw Fuzzy outside and told him to stay out.

Felix had reasserted his status as “The Cat” in this household!



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